Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
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My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”
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We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.
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A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.
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Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”
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The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”
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Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time Mr. Jeffries?"
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Mr. Jeffries: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."
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An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.
First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".
The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."
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